My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
