You really coming over, don't trick.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
