i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
