I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
