Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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