So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
