Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
