bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
