Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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