My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
