I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
