Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
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