so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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