I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
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