And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just gargled with NyQuil
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
