Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
