Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
