i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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