pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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