I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
