My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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