A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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