you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
