This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
