shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
