I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
