You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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