apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
