just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
