god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
