I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
