Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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