her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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