Ambien. No doubt about it.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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