I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
