i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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