____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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