He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
