You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
