dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
