Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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