How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
