Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
