When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize