just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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