You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
