I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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