Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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