Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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