he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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