god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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