Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Quick, to the slutcave!
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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