i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
