i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I have aggressive nipples.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
