Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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