dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
