Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
