WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
