Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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