We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
