i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize