just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
