I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
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