i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
