The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
