you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I will pee on everything he values.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
