That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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