I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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