My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
