i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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