Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
