im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
