True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Randomize
